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Saturday Night Live is taking aim at Pete Hegseth and Robert F. Kennedy Jr. with the sketch show’s latest cold open.
Wearing a belt stocked with mini bottles of Fireball Cinnamon Whiskey, Colin Jost reprised his role as the secretary of war at the start of Saturday’s new episode to spoof the long-deployed USS Abraham Lincoln’s recent return home.
“You’re back home safe in sunny San Diego, which the president just asked Iran to blow up,” Jost’s Hegseth said. He then went on to catch the sailors up to speed on what they missed while they were away, “in case you immediately want to head back to sea.”
“In December, as we get into the Christmas spirit, we’re going to execute a guy in a wheelchair on live TV,” he said, referring to the U.S. military’s scheduled execution of former Army Maj. Nidal Malik Hasan in December.
“That’s right, public executions are back, kind of like Scrubs,” he deadpanned, adding that if a prisoner survives an execution, he will fight boxer Jake Paul.
Next, Hegseth revealed the Department of War’s new emblem, which has drawn comparisons to Nazi imagery, and admitted it has a “Nazi vibe.”
He then brought out Health Secretary Robert F. Kennedy Jr., played by James Austin Johnson, introducing him as “the only guy who snorts more rhino horn than me.”
“I’m happy to report that America is healthier than ever,” Johnson’s Kennedy started in his signature strained voice. “That’s why I would officially like to rename cold and flu season to cold and flu and listeria and measles and trench brain season.”
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He addressed recent food recalls by telling sailors that meats like catfish, pony and cricket were tested on them, declaring: “The research you provided on Operation Hell Cruise will be vital for years to come.”
Hegseth then returned and closed out his speech to the sailors by quoting Linkin Park’s song “In the End.”
“You tried so hard and got so far, but in the end it doesn’t even matter,” he sang. He then thanked the crew for their willingness to go down with the ship, which goes against his “personal rule of never going down on anyone.”
The ‘Weekend Update’ co-host — who has appeared as a rowdy caricature of Hegseth on the sketch series for nearly a year — concluded the cold open by introducing the rest of the show, which featured comedian Shane Gillis and musical guest Rosalía.